Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
