I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
