my mouth tastes like poor choices
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
