this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Randomize
