Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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