it was like eating out sand paper
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
