You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
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