took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
