I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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