I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
