Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
