I got chris browned last night
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
