Can i not drive my cunt home
Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Randomize
