We're like a lot better than the average bears
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
don't judge my taste in strippers
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
