U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
FUCK WHALES
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
