You smell like a Billy Joel song
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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