Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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