So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
