Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
