the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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