Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
