nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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