Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
We don't watch enough power rangers
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
