i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
