don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
