Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
just come out here and I will go home with you...
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
You pole danced in your parka.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
