I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
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