Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Randomize
