the new term for farting is butt boxing.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Randomize
