and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Randomize
