Umm I'm too high to move.
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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