i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
