you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
