we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
