Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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