No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Randomize
