On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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