I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
