I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
