you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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