Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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