I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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