We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
