I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
