i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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