I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
