honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
