Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
operation harelip BJ is a go
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
