I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I just threw up on my dentist
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
