This is not my ceiling
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
