sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Randomize
