He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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